Seriously? Juno Sucked So Hard.
Ever since last fall, people have been telling me, "Oh, you have to see Juno, you would love it." They emphasize the you. This makes me nervous, because the last time people told me that, they were talking about Garden State. Garden State is the worst movie ever.
Like Garden State, I saw Juno about three months after everyone else did. I lived through the hype. I had expectations. Instead, I was presented with some kind of cutesy mixtape of clichés that made my eyes bleed with disappointment.
And the noteworthy soundtrack? At least when a doe-eyed Natalie Portman told us in Garden State that "this totally awesome song is going to change your life!" it was actually a good song. Who does Kimya Dawson think she is, inserting her brand of sleepy folk rock into every scene, even if it's totally inappropriate for the situation? By the end of the movie, I was like, "This looks like it's shaping up to be an intense emotional moment, it must be time for another one of those lame songs about ponies and jump rope..."
The first 20 minutes of the film were the worst, but the later scenes involving the adult cast—Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, Alison Janney, and particularly J.K. Simmons—were pretty good. The scene where Juno confronts Bleeker at his locker reached excellence. The conversation between Juno's parents after she tells them she's pregnant was good too. But the rest of that retro t-shirt, shag carpet, hamburger phone, nonsensical teen slang, block lettering crap.......ugh! I nearly choked on all the twee being shoved down my throat.
Zack Braff and Diablo Cody. I have my eye on you two.
March 26, 2008 2:14 AM
David Topping said:
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I don't know what you're talking about though—I'm just barely not a teenager and I totes had a hamburger phone, retro t-shirts, Kimya Dawson on my iPod, hilariously supportive parents, and a girlfriend whose eggo was preggo. Honest to blog!