say it with pie

Christopher Bird analyzes the Archie Comic I sent him, because I know he likes these things.

First off, Gary and Gerald are obviously gay. I mean, look at them. They are flamboyant beefcakes! Compare them to Archie, your classic heterosexual stringbean, the bodily definition of a straight male in this comics world. Tack on Veronica’s belief that Gary and Gerald think they’re “God’s gift to women” because they’re friendly and confident and polite and muscular (but not too muscular) and they have snazzy color-coordinated outfits.

Also, they scrapbook.

But Veronica, naturally, is so self-obsessed that she doesn’t get this at all, even though Gary and Gerald went to prom together and told everybody they were going “stag” and then didn’t dance with any girls at all for the entire night, even when they requested “that we get some happy hardcore going up in this soiree” - and turns her vitriol on Archie because subconsciously she hates herself and the way she dresses.