say it with pie

This just in: Rep. Sally Kern of Oklahoma blames the recession on sinners, namely homosexuals. And she and other pure Oklahomans are not going to sit back and take it!

In reading about this story, I discovered some other batshit crazy homobigoted comments she made last year, which included this amazing tidbit:

Studies show, no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted for more than, you know, a few decades.

But guys, she totally has a point. Examine the evidence…

Egypt, c. 2400 BCE

Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum, royal manicurists during the reign of 5th Dynasty pharaoh Nyuserre and the earliest same-sex couple known in history. Their tomb the necropolis at Saqquara contains an adorable portrait of the pair holding hands and intimitely touching noses.

Verdict: Society destroyed! The Egyptian civilization collapsed after a few decades, in approximately 2366 BCE, never to be heard from again.

Greece

Achilles and Patroclus, Alexander the Great and Hephaistion, Sappho, Socrates, Euripedes, Agathon…the list goes on. The Greeks were undoubtedly way into same-sex couplings.

Verdict: You don’t see any ancient Greeks running around nowadays, do you? Society destroyed! No big deal, because the Greek civilization only lasted a couple of decades anyway!

Pre-Columbian Civilizations

Among indigenous peoples of the Americas prior to European colonization, a common form of same-sex sexuality centered around the figure of the Two-Spirit individual. Two-Spirit individuals were commonly shamans and were revered as having powers beyond those of ordinary shamans. Their sexual life was with the ordinary tribe members of the same sex.

Homosexual and transgender individuals were also common among other pre-conquest civilizations in Latin America, such as the Aztecs, Mayans, Quechuas, Moches, Zapotecs, and the Tupinambá of Brazil.

The Spanish conquerors were horrified to discover sodomy openly practiced among native peoples, and attempted to crush it out by subjecting the berdaches (as the Spanish called them) under their rule to severe penalties, including public execution, burning and being torn to pieces by dogs. (link)

Verdict: Society destroyed! More by flagrant cross-dressing than disease and persecution by the conquistadors!

China

Homosexuality in China, known as the pleasures of the bitten peach, the cut sleeve, or the southern custom, has been recorded since approximately 600 BCE.

Hmm, there’s a whole article on homosexuality in China. None of the major religions in China see homosexuality as a sin, so it was never a morality issue until China had significant contact with the West in the 19th century. Today, China is gradually loosening its stance on same-sex partners as it becomes a major global power with the largest population on the planet.

Verdict: Well, shit.

I could go on, but I think you get my point.